Awesomely Random

So there is this website I frequent called somethingawful.com, and every Friday the site puts up something known as "Photoshop Phridays", where the admins compile a number of awesome and/or hilarious photoshop'd photos from the best photoshop forum thread during the week. A few weeks ago the topic was "Randomly Generated Video Games!", where forum members would go to this site and spawn a random video game name from an assortment of seemingly unrelated words, then creating a believable mock up in photoshop with that name. These are just a few of the results.

keep in mind that none of these are actual games, though one can always hope...

And now for something totally different

To say that I love video games, computers, and technology is a pretty huge understatement, I honesty cannot imagine living without them. Yet, there is always one thought that never escapes me about these things: they are all luxury items. And because they are luxury items, it should considered a privilege to be able to own and use things these on a daily basis, if ever at all. However, I feel that modern society has moved to a point where many, if not most, people in the developed world completely take these things for granted, and assume that such technology is something that is entitled to them, rather than something to be thankful for.

Out of the millions of people out their who play on their Xboxs daily, use apps on their IPhones, facebook on their laptops during class, or even use Google to search for "boobs", I doubt even one percent of those people truly understand how lucky they are to be able to do those things. In a world where millions, no billions, of people go without internet, or computers, or even electricity, how is it that we as members of modern society can take our technology for granted? I'm not saying that you should shed a tear of joy every time you Google something, but I am saying that next you are at home, bored and browsing the web, think, and I mean really think, about what a absolutely miraculous thing you are doing, and maybe, just maybe, you'll feel a little less bored.

A Very Late (and 80% scathing) Review of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Right off the bat I would like to say that Transformers 2 was definitely not worth seeing in theaters. In fact, I am actually rather glad that I was not able to see this film in IMAX, where the constant flood of pointless explosions and forced adolescent humor would have burned out my eye sockets twice as fast(more on this later). However, this is not to say that this film has no redeeming qualities, because it does, few as they may be. If I were to gauge this movie using a percentage based scale, I would say that the enjoyable portions of this movie take up about 20% of its total (very long) run time, while the rest 80% is forgettable drivel. Because of the conflict that my brain now faces in giving a movie with giant transforming robots a bad review, I will forgo the usual wall of scathing text and present my fractured thoughts in a handy dandy list.

you'll be seeing plently of this


and this

Lets first start off with the BAD

• Plot is utterly forgettable and unengaging, and after a while you start to not really care about why these giant robots are fighting one another
• The characters are also all rather annoying and relatively unlikeable, with as much dimension as a piece of paper. Some characters didn't even really add anything to the movie (ie. annoying roomate, racist transformers? really?)
  
• The "humor" in this movie was forced and tasteless, seeming to appeal to the lowest common denominator (a transformer that has "balls"? seriously?), when compared to the humor in the first movie which felt more natural and seemed to flow more from funny siutations rather than from lame sight gags
  
• Michael Bay's has an even MORE obvious hard on for the US military in this movie than in the orignal: I could have sworn I was watching one of those army recruitment videos with all of that military jargon and multi-billion dollar tax payer funded hardware being thrown around
• This movie actually made me sick of seeing explosions...I think that's all I really need to say about that.
• But the thing that I hated most about Transformers 2 was that there was a complete lack of focus on what the movie was about, the fucking transformers. Instead of giving any of the new transformers any sort of character, personality, or even cool action scenes, the makers of this film thought it was best to cram as many new transforming robots onto each scene as humanly possible. The first movie introduced us to the transformers, and eventually we knew their names, we knew their voices, we could recognize their (albiet shallow) personalities, and most of all, we actually gave a shit about them. In this movie however, no one, with the exception of one or two out of the fifty or something new transformers, even gets a proper introduction before either being completely ignored or brutually destoryed. On a similar note, many of the original transformers from the first film rarely had any significant screen time, or even lines, in this installment. In the end it all just ends up being rather hollow and disappointing

Not even (frequent) gratuitious use of Megan Fox can save this movie

Now the GOOD

• I have to admit that some of the giant robot fighting scenes were pretty cool, for instance, the scene in the beginning, and most scenes involving Optimus Prime. But, the end scene is probably the one that will most likely get people's fanboy boner going. However, as I stated previously these good scenes only comprise about 20% of the whole, if even that.
• Some of the new transformer designs are actually pretty nifty, pity we never really learn anything about them beyond that.
• I liked the various locales utilized in the film
• One has to admire the obviously large amount of time, money, and effort that was put into this ridiculous project

One of the few good things about this movie: Optimus Prime kicking ass

To reiterate, yes, I thought this was a dreadful movie. However, I do believe that it deserves to make the millions of dollars that it has no doubt already made in its month of release. Why? Because I believe that the makers of this film knew exactly what they were doing, making a loud, (very) dumb, explosion saturated blockbuster that appeals to the general masses who probably wouldn't really give a fuck about plot coherence and endearing characters as long as they were reasonbly entertained. Do I recommend it? Hell no, but not that it matters anyway because you and your mother have probably already seen it, and you may have enjoyed it. Actually, if you did enjoy it then I deeply envy you because it pains me horribly that something that I love as much as Transformers can leave such a bad taste in my mouth.

Movie Review: Dark City

Yes I know I take forever to make a new post. O well. I started this in February and finally finished it two months later.

Dark City (1998)

directed/written by Alex Proyas

If there was any justice in this world, Dark City would have been a massive commercial success during its release in 1998. Honors and awards would have been thrown at this marvelous piece of modern film making, and me making this review, more than ten years later, should be completely unnecessary. However, this is of course not the case, because no one has heard of this movie, much less seen it. Don't feel bad if you have not heard of Dark City either, it's not your fault. This was just one of those movies that fell under the radar in the face of mind numbing blockbusters like Armageddon and Godzilla during its year of release. But fret not, because in the space of this review, I will attempt to explain why you should care about this movie, and hopefully recruit another fan into its substantial cult following.

Plot

Dark City revolves around the story of everyman John Murdoch (Rufus Sewell), who wakes up in a bathtub in a dank and dingy apartment bathroom. John has complete amnesia, and cannot recall any aspect of his life, not even his own name. He leaves the apartment in search for answers, eventually remembering his own name and tracking down his estranged wife Emma (Jennifer Connelly). During their meeting, John stumbles onto the realization that he is wanted for the murder of several female prostitutes, murders that he is certain he did not commit. John suddenly finds himself hounded by police inspector Frank Bumstead (William Hurt), who is unrelenting in his search for John. To make matters worse, John is also pursued by a mysterious group of pale cloaked men, all of whom seem to have extraordinary powers. Then there is Dr. Daniel Schreber (Kiefer Sutherland), a psychiatrist whom John was supposedly seeing prior to his amnesia. Schreber is adamant in finding John so he can help him, though he seems to know more about John and his connection to the city than he initially lets on. Throughout the course his search for the truth, John begins to question the very nature of the city: Why does it always appear to be nighttime in the city? Why does everyone but himself fall comatose at the stroke of midnight? Why is it that no one he speaks to can remember how to get to his old neighborhood? And who are these strangers that are chasing him? All of these questions are gradually answered, culminating in the explosive finale that will leave you breathless. Themes of simulated reality and the nature of the human soul also echo throughout the film, making it a much deeper viewing experience than one would assume.

what the hell is going on here? You'll find out when you watch the movie.

Good

One thing that I truly loved about Dark City is its atmosphere: the dark alleys, grimy buildings, and careful use of lighting in dark scenes all helped to create a presence that is as much of a character as any of the actual human roles. This amazing atmosphere is topped off with a stark 1950's retro style that while spectacular, seems oddly (perhaps purposefully) out of place. The special effects in Dark City are also quite amazing for their time, and have aged very well more than ten years after its release. I found the acting to be superb all around. Sewell is fantastic as protagonist John Murdoch, who gives a very subdued performance in keeping with Murdoch's everyman origins. Murdoch is not some courageous action hero, merely an average man who is lost in a perplexing conspiracy. Sewell coveys that sense of uncertain bewilderment very well in his performance. The supporting cast is excellent as well, with each character adding their own little touch to the world of Dark City.

oh bitch look out behind you!!!

But the most admirable aspect of the film is that it never insults the viewer's intelligence: there are no convenient plot twists, no major story points presented in an obvious manner, and no cheesy dialogue. Dark City does not assume that you are some kind of dimwit that needs to have your hand held when the movie presents too many questions and not enough answers. Part of the fun of this movie is that the viewer is just as lost as John in trying to figure out the mysteries of the city, and it invites you to find the answers along with him.

Bad

There aren't many negative critiques that I can give, because if you couldn't already tell, I clearly fucking love this movie. One minor thing that does stand out to me is that the ending is a tad bit predictable for a movie that has so many twists and turns. However, despite this predictability, the ending is ambiguous enough to foster some healthy post viewing discussion.

Bottom Line

Watch this movie. Now. If you don't want to watch this then we can never be friends. Ever. If you know me (ahem) then please come over and watch this with me because I have it on blu-ray. If you do not know me then please go rent this on DVD. Make sure that you pick up the version that includes the director's cut of Dark City and not the theatrical cut that was made for the slack jawed bumpkins (also known as the American movie going public) who found the original cut to be too confusing. There is no other movie out there like this and it is one of my all time favorites. The combination of excellent atmosphere, brilliant storytelling, and gripping pacing creates an unforgettable viewing experience.

Coming Soon!

In the next week or so I'll be reviewing Dark City, one of my favorite movies that no one has heard of, and Crysis: Warhead, a PC game with the most mind blowing graphics in a video game to date.

In the meantime, enjoy this trailer of the new Quentin Tarantino movie: Inglorious Basterds

Because Doris asked me

So in response to my good friend Doris (as well as some hinting from my darling Cathy), I will now express how I felt about "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist".

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008)
directed by Sollett

At first glance one could probably see NaNIP (Nick and Norah's...u know) as another hip teenage romantic comedy in the same vein as "Juno" or even "Superbad" to some extent. In many ways it is, with a rather predictable plot and Michael Cera being...Michael Cera. However, NaNIP has an undeniable charm that allowed me to look past all of the cliches (Michael Cera included) and enjoy the quirky characters in their wild night in New York City.

Plot

Michael Cera (or Nick, it's pretty interchangeable at this point), is terribly depressed after his girlfriend Tris dumps him. But, despite his teenage angstiness, his two gay friends/band mates, Thom and Dev, convince him to play a show downtown in the hopes that they can see their favorite band "Where's Fluffy" that night. Norah (Kat Dennings) and her best friend Caroline also hear about the potential appearance of Where's Fluffy at their prep school and decide to hunt down the elusive band that night as well. Coincidentally, Tris also attends the preschool, and is a (hated) acquaintance of Norah and Caroline. Because of this, Norah knows of Nick before the two ever meet. The two parties eventually meet downtown where Nick and his band are performing, and what follows is a frantic and unforgettable search for the enigmatic Where's Fluffy. Friends are lost (both figuratively and literally), hot dogs are eaten, and new connections are made under the bright late night lights of the Big Apple.

Good

I loved the use of New York City and its busy indie music scene as the backdrop for this movie, a welcome change from the ho hum suburbs and quaint neighborhoods of other teenage love stories. The characters were all lovable with their own little subtle personalities (with the exception of Caroline who was simply perpetually drunk) and solidly acted, with nothing ever feeling too forced or corny. It was also great that the gay characters in NaNIP were not portrayed in a stereotypical light, with the gay never being central to the character, like so many other films tend to do. In fact, Thom and Dev were probably my favorite characters in the movie.

Like Juno, the humor was also more subtle, mostly relying on comedic timing and ridiculous situations for laughs. But despite all of the wacky predicaments, I also loved how the movie felt very real and honest, as if all of it could very well happen on a typical Saturday night in the Big City. There are no deep themes or moral dilemmas in NaNIP; it is a fairly straightforward story, but that honestly should not come as a surprise. Likewise, the end of this movie is fairly predictable, but it doesn't mean that it's and less enjoyable to watch.

Bad

A strange thing to note is that while watching this movie, I had a very strange sense of deja vu, as if I had seen this all somewhere before. It could have been the emphasis on indie music, the colorful friends, or Michael Cera, but it all just felt rather familiar. This kind of goes hand in hand with the general predictability of the plot, which will probably not take any viewer by surprise in the least bit. Unfortunately, the characters, while quirky and lovable, tend to be somewhat two dimensional in many respects (we get it Tris is a bitch).

Bottom Line

If you don't mind the somewhat predictable plot and occasionally flat characters, NaNIP is a fun and charming trip through adolescence behind the eyes of a group of indie rock lovers. There are times where you will wish that you were there with the characters in their adventure through New York's indie underground, but most of the time you will probably be wondering, "Damn, why wasn't it like that for me in High School?" Definately a "See" from me.

Why I will never buy an xbox 360

So, yesterday was Valentine's Day, and my darling Cathy and I wanted to do something romantic to celebrate. After pondering the question for a little while we both thought, "what could be more romantic than brutally murdering quasi human alien dudes together?". Nothing, that's what. Therefore, we decided to rent the lovely "Gears of War 2" from our local video rental shack, having already played through the first one. Oh, and we rented "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" too. Brimming with anticipation, we raced back to Cathy's house to play our alien murder simulator. I popped open the game case, expecting to see the "Gears of War 2" DVD staring back at me. It took me ten seconds to realize that it was not the Gears 2 DVD at all, it was just Gears 1. Awesome. So back to the video shack we went.

After finally getting the REAL game in my hands, I eagerly awaited the bloodbath that Cathy and I would be participating in. With the DVD in the Xbox tray, we stared at the TV screen, waiting for the awesome to assault our senses. What greeted us was certainly an assault, but not an awesome one.

"The disc cannot be read."

What the fucking fuck. It was already too late to return to the game shack so we were essentially stuck with our scratched up shitty disc until the next day.

After the initial rage had subsided, we consulted the Internet, mecca of all answers. A few minutes later, we came upon our solution: it involved toothpaste (paste not gel), double sided toilet paper, warm water, and a soft towel. No joke.

Step one is to squeeze some of the toothpaste onto the the toilet paper and rub the paste into the DVD until it is completely covered. Step two is to run the DVD under warm water and rub all of the paste off in an up and down motion. Step three is to dry the DVD with the soft towel, making sure that you do not rub, only dab and press. Once the DVD is dry, pop it into the Xbox and see if it works.

Turns out it did not work for us. Many of the visible scratches were gone, but it was not enough to get the game running. We even tried the toothpasting again, and again, but to no avail.

We ended up just watching Nick and Norah's for the rest of the night. Not nearly as romantic as massively burly men shooting chainsaw machine guns at other equally burly aliens, but still good I suppose.

The lesson here? It sucks that "next generation" sixty dollar video game media can still be ruined so easily. Get a better media delivery system Microsoft, especially if you plan on charging customers so much for a DVD.